Yuppie-Spanking

One of the disadvantages of going to (the otherwise mostly wonderful) Stanford is that it’s located in Palo Alto, the land of the most entitled rich suburban yuppies in the world. I have countless stories of Palo Alto yuppiedom.

My two favorites:

- The city approved a cellphone tower across from someone’s property. The guy happened to be a volunteer for the company who provides their government internet service. So he got that company to threaten to cut off the city’s internet unless they took back the approval.

- There was the time when I flipped someone off for doing something obnoxious on the road, and instead of flipping me off back like civilized people do, he followed me home to, no shit, give me a lecture about how rude it is to flip people off. (Best part: as he followed me, he gestured at me to pull over, seemingly seriously thinking that I’d just obey the maniac following me home, because, of course, he’s used to people just obeying him.)

Seriously. Both of these things happened. And I have numerous other stories of the same ilk.

One of my friends got into it with a yuppie recently. See, the Palo Alto yuppies are very protective of their streets. Many of them, they somehow have gotten the city to block off, so that cars are forced to drive down the hopelessly clogged main arteries rather than through residential streets (because, of course, the private interests of a handful of yuppies are more important than the interests of the community as a whole… see also the shameless and contemptible NIMBY-ing of the anti-high-speed-rail campaign.)

They also seem to think that they own the parking spaces outside their houses. You know, the ones on the public street. Which they don’t.

Hence, the following delightful correspondence:

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3 Responses to “Yuppie-Spanking”

  1. Aaron Says:

    In the story about the second guy, you forgot to mention how you proceeded to kick his ass.

    You did kick his ass, didn’t you?

  2. Paul Gowder Says:

    I did not. I did, however, expect him to try to kick mine (why else follow someone home?). I got out of the car all broad-shoulders-swaggery, but when he all he did was lecture, I swore at him for a while then walked off.

  3. tobeyola Says:

    Ha, Paul, I have had both of these experiences in Palo Alto! Several years ago, I was pursued (on foot, but she parked and got out of her car to do so) by an idiotically haughty Palo Altoid whom I had (justly!) flipped off (after she nearly swerved into me!). The motivation that she cited for my berating, moreover, was totally specious (that I was “acting like a teenager,” as if there is any reason why a total stranger should take an interest in my legal but, at worst, age-inappropriate activities). More recently, a nasty note was left on my legally parked car with a similar message as your friend’s: including the false claim that “street parking is for neighborhood residents.” Your friend’s strikes me as more egregious, though — I had somehow gotten into the bad habit of always parking in front of a particular house on Stanford Ave and eventually they asked me not to park there. I was obviously entitled to park in that spot if it was free but I could understand their point of view (only, of course, because my mind is still warped from the three years I lived in PA).

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