Lately, I’ve come across two weird housing horror stories.
The first was from a new graduate student in on-campus housing, who actually received a message from the bureaucracy telling her that notwithstanding her “guaranteed” first-year priority, she wouldn’t even be able to stay in the residence she had already joined in the summer. Oh, Stanford bureaucracy. Perhaps you’re not quite clear on the term “guaranteed?”
But the better story is just perfectly captured in the below e-mail, which was received by one of my best friends who is currently looking for a place. Read the whole thing, it’s really quite wonderful in a terrifying-axe-murderer-slash-scam-artist-kinda-sense. Unlike this, it’s real. Names and addresses censored at the insistence of said friend, but it’s otherwise totally unaltered. I’m sorry to say.
Thanks for your email and interest in renting my apartment..I am
Reverend [CENSORED],the owner of the apartment you are making
enquiry of…Actually I resided in the apartment with my family, my wife
and my only daughter before and presently we have moved out due to my
transfer from my work now in United Kingdom Presently my apartment is
still available for rent for $1150 Per Month (rent already includes
Moreso Now, I’m currently in United Kingdom on a missionary work of
God….Pls i want you to note that,i am a kind, honest and trustworthy
Man and also i spent a lot on my property that i want to give to you
for rent,so i will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this
apartment and want you to treat it as your own, It is not the money
that is the main problem but i want you to keep it tidy all the time
so that i will be glad to see it neat when i come for a check up……….I
also want you to let me have trust in you as i always stand on my
This is the address of the apartment: ([CENSORED])..It has a Lovely home in a nice neighborhood is known for
excellent schools. Conveniently located with nearby shopping centers,
hospitals, free ways and public transportation. This is a must see.
Amenities W/D Hookups Central Heat & A/C Granite Tiled Fireplace
Ceiling Fans Vaulted Ceilings Cable Available Broadband Available
Custom Drapes in Living Room, Dining Room, & Master Bedroom Blinds.
Take Note:You can only drive by and see the apartment from the outside
and if you are really interested in renting my apartment get back to
me with the application form filled so that i can make out all
arrangement for you to rent my apartment and also send you full
pictures of the inside of the apartment for you to have a proper view
of the inside.I would have really love to send the keys and document
to someone in the STATES but i don’t have anybody there right now due
to we are missionaries and we have not stay long in the city before we
had to move to United Kingdom for our final missionary work which we
will staying for long before we come back to the apartment.
SO IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED IN RENTING MY APARTMENT I WILL WANT
YOU TO FILL OUT THE RENT APPLICATION DETAILS.
************RENT APPLICATION FORM*************
1)Your Full Name:2)Your Full Address:3)Phone Number:
4) Sex ?5)How old are you?:6)Are you married?:
7)How many people will be living in the Apartment?:8)Do you have a pet?:
9)Do you have a car?:10)Occupation?:11)When do you intend moving in : Date ?
12)When do you intend to moving out : Date ?13)How many months or year
14)Deposit : One or Two month Deposit are required15)Picture of the Occupant?
My Apartment Location Again:[CENSORED]
Monthly Rent: $1150.
Pets Allowed: Yes
So pls get back to me at your convenience so that we can get all
arrangement along with the you renting my apartment as soon as you are
ready to move in.
Regards and God bless you!!![CENSORED].