Lost Men
- Posted by Paul Gowder on December 2nd, 2009 filed in navel gazing
- 11 Comments »
As I sit in Palo Alto’s all-night donut shop, nursing a cup of tepid and weak and tasteless coffee and spending far too much time on a paper on Kant that I’m seriously overdoing because I was fool enough to take a course this quarter, I can’t help but think about the other people in the room. A sizable proportion are ill-kempt middle-aged men who seem to have nothing going on in their lives. Most of them appear to have gathered to play a video game, one of those big things like World of Warcraft — MMORPGs, I suppose.
I can’t help but think that the lives of these guys are going objectionably badly. On one of their screens, there is simulated ice skating, with a simulated cute friend of the opposite sex, going on for at least an hour. It’s the dead of winter (such as California has), and I can’t help but think that if this man’s life had gone better, he could be actually be ice skating with a actually cute actual friend of the opposite sex. In reality. Actual reality.
At about 2:30am, of the men dozes off in the coffeeshop, in front of his laptop. And as he sits there snoring and flopping around, I can’t help but think that this sort of attitude totally disqualifies me from pretty much every theory of the good except perfectionism of the sort that runs through Aristotle, Mill in his more higher-pleasurey moments, and others of that oft-disdained disposition. And I can’t help but think that it’s this sort of attitude that makes my libertarian and utilitarian friends scream and tear at their hair and despair of my ever being worthy of trust over any kind of responsibility for the interests of others. (Although I can’t help but think that Nozick, perhaps, would be with me were someone to remind him of his own thoughts on the experience machine.) But I can’t help but think that a life spent simulating with video games a more active life is a life that is being spent poorly, and I can’t help but think that someone — perhaps the state, perhaps a family — someone — should have done more to make better forms of life available to these people.
Does this make me an elitist? Does this make me a snob? Perhaps it does. Perhaps what I feel is objectionable pity of the disrespectful sort condemned by Elizabeth Anderson. But I can’t help but think that those who levy that objection would actually feel the same way. But I defy you to walk into that donut shop at 3 am and not feel sad.
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
I have no wisdom to offer (in general, too); just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this post. Made me think of the Hollow Men, Kafka, etc.
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:31 am
I suggest updating the “pushpin is as good as poetry” line, and the ensuing debate about higher and lower pleasures, with something about World of Warcraft and Wittgenstein. Though maybe a different writer, historical figure, etc., with a “W” name would be appropriate. The crucial part is World of Warcraft.
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I agree that there’s something sad and bad about these lives. But what makes you think that better lives are not, or at least were not, available for these people? And in the ways that their lives are bad now, what could the state possibly do about it? Ban video games? Make nerds take classes on how to talk to women? I think that even on a perfectionist capabilities approach like Nussbaum’s there’s no requirement that people actually realize their capabilities. That these men have failed to do so is sad and unfortunate, especially for them, but we’d need more evidence to think its more than that, it seems to me.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Thanks Daniel. I’ve had Eliot on the brain lately.
Matt, you’re right of course. These are incredibly hard problems and I don’t pretend to have an answer for them. I’m more concerned right now with recognizing that they are problems — that there’s something wrong about people having empty lives that can’t be simply answered by some cant about revealed preferences or paternalism.
Going off into uninformed speculation for a moment, I suspect the genesis of all of this is childhood. Young children who are inadequately socialized as kids turn into adults with lives devoid of real connections with others. (John Dolan’s novel Pleasant Hell captures this incredibly well.) If there is to be any intervention, it’s there.
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
A relevant news item:
http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=228680
December 4th, 2009 at 12:59 am
…I suspect the genesis of all of this is childhood.
I suspect the genesis of all this is feminism. Women are innately hypergamous, and in our modern societies where they are equal it is far more difficult for men to appeal to them. (I’m not saying this means women shouldn’t be equal, I’m just describing what might be happening.)
I know you’ll vehemently disagree with this to the point of punching your computer screen hoping it reaches me, but that’s OK.
December 4th, 2009 at 1:30 am
Aaron, four points.
1. This isn’t just about dating. There are reasons not to be ill-kempt and sitting in a donut shop playing video games that don’t involve sex. Plenty of people who aren’t at the moment screwing anyone still manage to have lives.
2. What does hypergamy even mean? Doesn’t everyone seek out the best partner they can find, both men and women? The claim implies some kind of contrast with male behavior, and no such contrast presents itself.
3. Anyway, not all women can have the best man. Is this “hypergamy” just another word for “not willing to settle?”
4. And this “hypergamy” business also presupposes some kind of uniform and discernable ordering among men. But women have different tastes. I can think of numerous cases where man A is obviously higher-ranking than man B in just about every conceivable criterion (looks, income, social status, macho-ness, etc.) yet man B gets the girl.
December 4th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
(1), granted .
(2), everyone seeks out the best partner they can find, but “best” generally means different things for men and women. Primarily, looks are what men want. (And I only mean primarily, of course there are other qualities which are very important.) Women seek social status; men find this desirable as well, but not as much as women. (It’s like how women like a good looking man, but looks aren’t as high on the woman’s list as they are on the man’s list.) E.g. the male doctor will date the female intern, nurse, whatever, but the female doctor will be far less inclined to date the male inferior.
(3), I guess is answered by my reply to (2).
(4), my experience differs. (I’ve had less experience since you’re like ten years older than me, but still.) Although I can think of similar cases where the selling point for the inferior man was that he had another girl, an ex or something like that, lurking around. The inferior man who appears sought after by another woman (or women) will more often win.
December 4th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I am better than most people. Most people consider themselves better than most people. We just all pretend not to think it.
Hell, look at the liberals/egalitarians. When’s the last time they socialized with someone outside of their social class? The whole game of the egalitarians is trading up to higher status positions and higher status friends. Unless you think yourself superior, from whence does the motivation come from?
“Oh, but I have nothing in common with the grubby people,” isn’t much of a defense.
December 4th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I can’t help but think that someone — perhaps the state, perhaps a family — someone — should have done more to make better forms of life available to these people.
The problem is this: In order to have people archive greatness, you must have a culture of exceptionalism. The culture must encourage each person to achieve his own greatness. A culture of exceptionalism will naturally lead to inequalities.
Culture matters. We live in a culture at war with exceptionalism. Equality demands that we drag down people at the top. What you have observed, then, is the product of leftist/post-60’s culture.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
As a Bay Area native, I can tell you that it is much more true that the state did stuff to those men to make their lives suck than that the state should or can do anything to fix it. They have been actively prevented from preserving those conditions which used to exist in California and are conducive to a good life.
Their families? Their families should have moved away when it became clear which way the wind was blowing.