Brutalist children’s books. Written by me. Y/N?

My friend T was quoting Shel Silverstein at me over IM. In reaction, I did a little impromptu creative writing:

I think someone should write Kafka for Kids.

“Why doesn’t mommy answer me when I cry?” would be the title of the first book.

And no answer would ever be offered.

“K fell from his bike, and he cried, but his mother ignored him.”

[T quotes some vapid Shel Silverstein thing about a messy room.]

“K walked into the room. It was full of filthy clothes. He tried to put them away, but the closet was locked. His daddy entered and yelled at K for not putting his clothes away. K said ‘but the closet is locked.’ His daddy just looked at K. Then daddy added an extra lock to the closet and said ‘put the clothes away in ten minutes or something terrible will happen.’ Then he left.” ["And never returned" might be the end. And then K runs into daddy in the street a few years later, on his way to prison, and daddy shouts at him in an incomprehensible foreign tongue and runs away.]

I should clearly be writing children’s literature.

Also, for the record, a lemon drop martini with stoli vodka, random Trader Joe’s vermouth (some italian thing beginning with g that claims to be “extra dry”), fresh lemons, and agave nectar, over ice, tastes really yummy. I just invented that today. I can’t cook for shit, but I’m good at booze. The vermouth should be about 1/4-1/3 the vodka (it’s a very wet martini) and the lemon juice and agave nectar can only be gotten right by liberal tasting. Also the vodka should come straight out of the freezer. And it should be vigorously shaken.

Perhaps the effects of the lemon drop martinis explain why I’m writing Kafka for Kids. It was a successful party. Everyone else loved my LDMs too.


5 Responses to “Brutalist children’s books. Written by me. Y/N?”

  1. JennG Says:

    They do have A Child’s Machiavelli


  2. Daniel S. Goldberg Says:

    You can’t add “never returned.” K has to stand there, waiting, agonizingly, to see if his father ever returns. Otherwise, well done.

  3. Paul Gowder Says:

    JennG — oh my goodness. I simply must have that book. It would be insane to buy it on my budget, but perhaps I can find someone to buy it for me. (NOTE: If any blog readers have crushes on me right at the moment, this is a great way to buy my affections. The American site reveals it’s not quite as expensive as it looks on the Canadian.)

    Daniel: you will have to be my editor when I write Kafka for Kids. That’s a very wise suggestion.

  4. Paul Gowder Says:

    There’s a PDF of A Child’s Machiavelli online!!! Joy! Joy!

  5. Steve M. Says:

    L’Étranger Danger?

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