Nature? Bah, humbug.

I know it is spring, because my eyes are constantly itching and I have to carry around kleenex for the sneezing.

Why do people like this outdoors shit again? Especially in the bay area, it’s a plague of nature lovers (I have got to move to somewhere civilized, like NYC). Everyone is constantly out hiking or climbing rocks or skiing or doing some other bloody thing with cold and dirt and bugs and pollen and wild animals and falling off cliffs and lugging around backpacks and basically everything else that our twisted species invented civilization to get away from and for some bizarre reason these people seem to think it is fun. (You think it’s bad to be a single male in silicon valley, try being a single male in silicon valley who can’t stand fucking hiking.)

Don’t get me wrong, I like the beach. You’ll note there’s no pollen at the beach, precious few bugs, it’s warm, etc. I don’t get why some people actively seek out physical suffering. I mean, why not just wander down to the dental school and offer yourself up as a training patient? It would be cheaper, with less risk of death. No fancy equipment.

Christ. Antihistamines in the morning. Has anyone tried the fancy expensive non-drowsy kind? I have far too much work this week to be doped all the fucking time.

And Stanford. Has SO MANY GOODDAMN TREES. All they do is harbor pollen and horrible disgusting caterpillars. Does anyone still make agent orange?

Death to nature.

Share


6 Responses to “Nature? Bah, humbug.”

  1. HipHopPoppa Says:

    It’s a shame we can’t destroy it fast enough for you.

  2. Paul Gowder Says:

    Heh. Perhaps destruction is a little hasty. I’d do with a good antihistamine. :-) (He says in a much less grouchy mood after a good 10 hours of nyquil-aided sleep.)

  3. Mike Says:

    Someone needs to read Walden. ;-)

  4. Paul Gowder Says:

    I actually tried to find Walden pond once. I was out in Middle-Of-Nowhere Massachusetts visiting Walter Groupius’s house to make fun of it for the HLS newspaper, and I was told Walden was nearby. So I went trudging around in the snow in the woods for hours, looking for it, to no avail. Nature, that is, in the form of snow and woods, made it impossible for me to find Walden pond. Take that, Thoreau.

  5. Steve M. Says:

    But isn’t Walden’s being difficult for the non-hermits to find its very raison d’être?

  6. Arvita Says:

    Ooooh, you’re gonna have SO much fun cycling in Paso Robles with us!!!

Leave a Comment