How to make sure you never get admitted to grad school.

1. E-mail the faculty from a department that rejected you, telling them that:

I was shocked to receive word that I was not accepted into [your graduate program in Philosophy]. [Your school] was one of my “fall back” schools, and I expect to receive offers from many programs that I’d rank higher than [your department]. It seems to me that you should probably correct your admission process. No wonder [your department] hasn’t produced a top-notch philosopher in quite some time.

2. Show up for an interview and address the female current students as “Yo! Bitches!”

And the punishment. In addition to the obvious (no grad school cookie for you), in the second case, the student’s recommenders were called, so that reputation is down the drain. In the first case, no word, but a commenter suggests an excellent plan:

Killjoy had the right idea: keep tabs on this person and check up in about 10 years. In the meantime, be sure to dispatch graduate students to grad conferences this person goes to with ’search and destroy’ orders.

There are not enough “search and destroy orders” in this world.


One Response to “How to make sure you never get admitted to grad school.”

  1. eric Says:

    Wow. Those posts sort of make we wish we did interviews for law school admissions. I’m certain it would make for some very colorful anecdotes!

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