Ok, we have a president who doesn’t actually like waking up in the morning, taking a post-coital oil bath with the CEO of Haliburton, drinking the blood of Muslim babies for a nice continental breakfast in the oval office, then going out to use the gun concealed in his bible to personally shoot women who want abortions in the head so that their fetuses can be extracted and preserved for low-wage labor despoiling the environment for our deregulated corporate overlords in the late morning, taking a late lunch of whiskey and crack cocaine before starting the afternoon’s unnecessary and doomed war, kidnapping and torturing some innocents and dissidents over dinner, and then using illegal wiretapping to find the American workers whom he wants to make unemployed tomorrow before going to bed and dreaming of getting all the elementary schools shut down before the End Times, about which he has mixed feelings, because being directly raptured up to Heaven sounds great but it means he won’t be able to lie around on the ranch in Texas or bash any more gay people with baseball bats, because of course Pat Robertson has told him that gay people don’t get into heaven, but he still struggles with the temptation every day to bring Armageddon right on by pressing the little red button that a bunch of damn fool American voters and the Supreme Court gave him. That’s great. Have a donut. Now back to bitchin’.

… like about the fact that Spirit Airlines had the sheer unmitigated gall to try and charge passengers cancellation fees for not taking the return flight from the plane that crashed. I hope the first act of the Obama administration is to find the executive responsible for that one, take him or her out, and hold a summary revolutionary-regime style execution, complete with blindfold, cigarette, wall, and bullet.

But that’s ok. A free donut will make it all better.

Also making it all better is reading Ben Stein getting the bitchslapping of his ugly little life. (h/t)


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