Why I left New Orleans

Setting: New Orleans airport

Paul: “apparently there is fucking snow in fucking vegas, so my flight is cancelled.”
Violent Asshole Who Doesn’t Like Cussing: “Hey! Shut up.”
P: “Bugger off.”
V: [approaches, threatens violence while pressed up against our hero]
P: “If you touch me, not only will you go to prison, but you’ll get your ass kicked first.”
V: “I’ve already been to prison. Step outside and see, faggot.”
P: [seeing tsa pig pass by] “Officer! Officer! That man threatened me with violence.”
TP: “Hold on.” [walks off, fetches City Pig]
CP, to P: “Is there a problem? If you wanna get on a plane tonight, there better not be a problem. This is an airport, we have a low tolerance for problems.”

That’s right, the pig threatened me, not the violent ex-con.

Share


10 Responses to “Why I left New Orleans”

  1. Mike Says:

    LMAO.

  2. Mike Says:

    A friend of mine has an animal cruelty conviction from his short stay in NOLA. He was walking when a I cop stopped him. “Hey!” the cop screamed. My friend looked back. “You punched my horse!”

    “I did what,” my friend asked? Before he knew it, he was in a patty wagon. He plead out, since he didn’t live in NOLA and just wanted to GTF out of there.

    If you lived in NOLA and escaped without a rap sheet, you won.

  3. Paul Gowder Says:

    Have I told you my NOLA false arrest story, Mike?

  4. Mike Says:

    No.

  5. Paul Gowder Says:

    Really? Wow. Hold on, I’ll just write it as a post some point today.

  6. ben wolfson Says:

    Paddy wagon.

  7. Mike Says:

    Paul: Cool. Can’t hardly wait.

    [While drinking some Cognac from Armenia, I can't hardly wait for Wolfson to say it's can hardly wait.]

  8. ben wolfson Says:

    Oh, mike, you lovable scamp.

  9. Anna Says:

    The lesson is probably to stay away from cops. Funny post!

  10. Paul Gowder Says:

    Seriously.

    And thank you, Anna, and welcome.

Leave a Comment